James Potter and the Redheaded Rival
by thistlemeg
Summary: Lily and James compete for Prefect. MWPP are inexplicably Animagi a year early. (Oops.) The seeds of Lily and Petunia's rift are sown.
1. A conversation in the Commons Room

Clarissa Donnelly stumbled down the hall to the girls' bathroom. Almost tripping over a battered _Standard Book of Spells, Grade Three_ that was lying on the ground, she mentally thanked whoever was still studying in the Commons Room for the candlelight that streamed up the stairs and into the hall.   
  
Oh no, Clarissa realized. It could only be Lily Evans, and it had to be at least 1:30 in the morning. Groaning, the sleepy blonde trudged down the stairs. Lily, as predicted, was bent earnestly over a pile of books, and didn't even notice Clarissa's entrance.   
  
"Lily!" Her friend said loudly. Lily started, then relaxed when she recognized Clarissa. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"   
  
Lily shrugged. "About two-ish, why?" Seeing that Clarissa was about to reproach her for her nocturnal habits, Lily added, "Don't worry, Clariss, I've got it all figured out. If I go to bed at 2:30, I can wake up at 7:15 for History of Magic at 7:30, and that's - let's see, an hour of History - a good six hours of sleep!"   
  
Clarissa bit back a giggle at her friend's jab at the class more commonly known among students as Naptime, attempting to look stern. "You'll miss breakfast," she pointed out.   
  
"Nope," Lily replied brightly. "I got a care package from home yesterday. I'll have a some toffee on the way to class."   
  
Clarissa rolled her eyes. "That's nutricious."   
  
Her health lecture, however, was cut short by a sudden commotion on the stairs. Clarissa was sure she heard footsteps, and then some muffled swearing, but when she looked towards the sound, no one was there. She shot a bewildered glance at Lily, but her friend just looked amused.   
  
Glancing at her watch, Lily remarked, seemingly to the air in front of the boys' staircase, "You're a bit late tonight, boys."   
  
Clarissa gasped loudly as the tousled heads of James Potter and Sirius Black appeared in the room, although Lily wasn't sure if her friend was more disconcerted by the disembodied heads or at being caught in her pajamas by the two best looking fourth - year boys. She wondered idly which of the pair Clarissa was obsessed with this week.   
  
"Jesus, Lily," James told her, annoyed. "We were trying to avoid you." Then he groaned softly. How had that slipped out?   
  
Grinning, Sirius removed a silvery cloak from his and his friend's shoulders, revealing the rest of them. "Hi, Clarissa," he said, sounding highly amused. "Heard about our late night parties, did you?"   
  
Clarissa blushed, and Lily's skin had taken on a similar color, though for a completely different reason. "So sorry, Potter," she said icily. "How inconsiderate of me to let my studying hinder your immature rule - breaking."   
  
James looked as if he would retort, but Sirius quickly interceded. "Ladies, my ill - tempered friend and I would love to stay and chat," he said gallantly. "but, unfortunately, the kitchens beckon." Clarissa grinned shyly at him, and Lily chuckled before returning to her book. Repositioning the cloak, the boys disappeared again as a portrait on the wall swung open to let them out.   
  
"Was that an invisibility cloak?" Clarissa wondered aloud, staring after them as the portrait hole closed.   
  
"Uh huh," Lily replied without looking up. "It's Potter's. Those two are always going off on midnight escapades."   
  
Clarissa looked despairingly down at her attire; a pair of silk flowery pajama shorts and her brother's football shirt. "I cannot believe Sirius Black just saw me like this." She gave an exaggerated moan and flopped onto a nearby couch. "_Why_ didn't I sleep in my makeup?"   
  
Lily couldn't help laughing. "So it's Sirius Black now?"   
  
Her friend nodded. "He's so handsome and charming. And besides, James was being kind of a jerk. I thought you guys were pretty friendly."   
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "You're asking _me_ about the inner workings of James Potter's mind? I'll never understand boys."   
  
Clarissa yawned loudly. "Me neither. I'm going up to bed, and you'd better be there soon, too, Lily Evans!"   
  
"Yes, mother," Lily replied absently. She was already immersed in her studies.   
  
  
**Disclaimer: Almost forgot about this baby. If it doesn't belong to me, it's J.K. Rowlings'. It's pretty easy to tell the two apart. **


	2. A conversation in the kitchen

**Author's Note: Special thanks to Stephanie for being my very first review!! *jumps up and down with excitement*   
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Sirius, James, Lily, the Invisibility Cloak, O.W.L.S, house elves, Hogwarts and its corridor and kitchen. I own all the little words in between.**   
  
  
"What was that about?" Sirius hissed to his friend as they tiptoed down the corridor.   
  
"What was what about?" James whispered back, knowing very well what Sirius meant.   
  
"Is that the real reason you woke me up late?" Sirius demanded. "Or did you 'set your alarmus wrong'?"   
  
James was feeling thoroughly grumpy. "I don't know why it matters," he said in a surly voice.   
  
"It doesn't," Sirius answered carefully. "But since you and Lily Evans have always been friends, you've either had a change of heart in regards to her character, or there's something you're not telling me. And I think, as your best friend, I deserve to know what's up."   
  
"Ssshh," James hissed in response. "D'you want Filch to find us?"   
  
Sirius let out a sigh. "Very subtle," he said under his breath. James decided not to hear him. The fifteen year olds made their way through Hogwarts' maze of corridors, aided by a certain magical piece of topography, in silence. Upon reaching an enormous fruit still - life, they stopped. Sirius reached up and began to tickle a bright green pear, whereupon a doorknob appeared in its place, which he turned to open the hidden door.   
  
Instantly, they were surrounded by a swarm of eager house - elves, most holding aloft trays of sweets. His good humor partially restored, James grinned at Sirius over the sea of round earth-colored heads. They sat down in front of the fire with a platter of boysenberry tarts.   
  
"Life," Sirius commented, "is good."   
  
James nodded absently. He was staring pensively into the fire. "It's just that she always seems to be studying!" he exploded suddenly.   
  
"Isn't it strange when people do that?"   
  
James ignored his friend. "And when I see her preparing for the O.W.L.S., I remember that I should be, not sneaking off to the kitchens like a brainless first year!"   
  
"Hey!"   
  
"And I just know she's trying to be made prefect," James continued, "and if she keeps it up, she _will_, and I - well -" James looked ashamed. "I won't."   
  
Sirius was surprised. "I never knew it mattered so much to you."   
  
"It doesn't! It matters to my parents...matters a lot." James suddenly snapped his gaze away from the fire and smiled at his friend. "Sorry you had to hear all this. I guess I better stop feeling sorry for myself and start working, right?"   
  
Sirius was still slightly worried, but he smiled back. "That's the spirit, Prongs." He suddenly looked aghast. "Wait - did I just encourage you to study?"   
  
Laughing, James swallowed the rest of his tart and stood up. "And I didn't even get it on film." 


	3. Something strange happens in History of ...

**Author's Note: Thanks to Arctic Fox, Chortni Evans, and dracoishot1326 for your reviews!   
  
Disclaimer: Other than Kasey, Kronius Lepinner, Harold Yinpor, and anything the latter two may have discovered/accomplished, it's all J.K. Rowling's and WB's and whoever else Harry Potter belongs to. I just put a few words in their mouths. **   
  
  
  
Professor Binns was scribbling feverishly on the blackboard, while droning monotonously about the first Magical Minister, Kronius Lepinner. Behind him, three rows of students slumped listlessly in their desks in various states of unconsciousness. Only one was sitting upright, quill moving furiously.   
  
"...and it was at this point that Kronius Lepinner began to construct a republican government. What was the first branch of government that he instigated?" Professor Binns glanced over his shoulder at the class, out of a hundred years habit, not with any expectation of an answer to his question. This time, however, he did a double take.   
  
James Potter was raising his hand.   
  
Professor Binns was quite disconcerted, not a familiar feeling to a ghost who had been doing the exact same thing for over a century. "Mister..." He had no idea who the black haired boy in the last row was. He hadn't bothered to learn the names of his students even while he was alive.   
  
"Potter," James supplied cheerfully. "It was the executive branch, Professor." [I am taking some liberties with the setup of the Ministry of Magic. Plus, stupid U.S. History is getting to my head.]   
  
"That is correct." Professor Binns paused for a moment to get his bearings, then turned back to the blackboard. He did not see that the entire class had, for the first time in their Hogwarts careers, become alert. And they were all staring at James Potter with complete incredulity.   
  
When Sirius had recovered his voice, he whispered, "James, I just had the strangest dream. You participated in a History of Magic class."   
  
James smiled indulgently at him. "Surprisingly enough, Sirius, you were awake. It's just a strange day, I guess."   
  
When he looked up again, the rest of class had sunk back into a stupor, except for Lily Evans, who had swiveled in her seat to face him with a very bemused expression in her twinkling green eyes. Feeling heat rise in his face, James quickly looked down at his notes before anyone could notice.   
  
  
  
The Gryffindors' next class was Transfiguration. Lily was now wide awake, knowing full well that if she fell asleep in that class, she'd wake up in a very lengthy detention. And top - of - the - class students did not get detentions.   
  
Well, most top - of - the - class students. James Potter had always been the exception to the rule. Although he did appear to be shaping up. Thinking about the look on the ghost's face when he'd discovered a student paying attention, Lily had to smother a giggle.   
  
"Who can explain the Substance Compatibility Theory?" Professor McGonagall saw a hand shoot up in the back row. "Mr. Potter?"   
  
"First proposed in 1237 AD by Harold Yinpor, the Substance Compatibility Theory states that all transfigurable objects belong to compatibility families, each made up of substances most easily transfigured to each other, due to shared properties and makeup," James answered promptly.   
  
Pleased, McGonagall awarded him five points. Potter was a very bright boy, it was about time he started applying himself to something other than pranks. "And who can name all six families?"   
  
This time Lily's hand joined James' in the air.   
  
"Miss Evans?"   
  
"The Yinpor family, the Laris family, the Acanthus family, the Hominus family, and the Tergum family."   
  
"That is correct, five points to Gryffindor for you as well. Which is the largest group?"   
  
This time, James' arm seemed to fly out of his socket.   
  
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonagall asked drily.   
  
"The Laris family, Professor. It's most famous for the sewing needle/toothpick combination." Professor McGonagall decided to let one of the other students have a chance. She glanced around the room. It was probably too much to hope that two of her troublemakers had done their homework, but... "Mr. Black, can you name a combination from the Yinpor family?"   
  
Sirius, in fact, had not done his homework, choosing instead to sneak into Hogsmeade for his monthly visit to Zonko's Joke Shop. "Er...hedgehogs and pincushions?" he guessed wildly.   
  
Professor McGonagall let out a tiny sigh. Too much to hope for, after all. "Anyone else?" She was not surprised when Lily and James were the only volunteers. "Miss Evans?" she said, rather wearily.   
  
"The most famous example is the human hand/starfish case," Lily replied, the slightest hint of triumph in her voice. James was furious. Why did she always have to have the spotlight? He could see what she was doing, all right.   
  
James answered the next question.   
  
The entire class passed in much of the same vein. The honors flew back and forth between Lily and James, leaving the rest of the class much behind. Professor McGonagall made several attempts to pull others into the discussion, but the amused Gryffindors seemed perfectly happy to sit back and observe the battle of the wits.   
  
When the bell rang, James packed his bag a bit violently. Lily, grinning widely, approached him. "Next time," she said quietly. "I'll know better than to accuse you of not studying."   
  
James looked up at her in astonishment. She seemed perfectly calm. Had he imagined the tension between them? Not sure how to respond, he grunted and left the room, hurrying to catch up with his friends.   
  
Lily was surprised also. "That was...interesting," she remarked to Kasey Cinders.   
  
Kasey snorted. "To say the least. Lily, I'm not sure that was friendly banter on James' side. He seemed pretty serious."   
  
Lily just rolled her eyes. "Boys." 


	4. McGonagall's evil plot & the one - eyed ...

**Author's Note: I haven't seen the Harry Potter movie, but this weekend I was babysitting for a little girl with a HP movie calendar, and one of the months is a scene from Charms class, and that's how I discovered that Professor Flitwick is really supposed to be about 300 years old. (Ok, so I'm exaggerating.) Anyway, that was after I wrote this next part, and I always pictured Flitwick as fairly young. So that's why there's a different Charms teacher.   
  
Disclaimer: Trust me, you'll know which is mine and which I am shamelessly stealing.**   
  
  
  
"Regina, have you had the Gryffindors much this week?" Professor McGonagall asked the Charms teacher, Professor Giffle.   
  
"All but yesterday. Why?"   
  
Professor McGonagall grinned. "Have you noticed a...rivalry of sorts?"   
  
Professor Giffle laughed. "You don't mean James Potter and Lily Evans, do you? It's rather hard to miss, I'm afraid."   
  
"It is amusing, but I'm worried about the rest of the class. No one else participates when those two are going at it, and I doubt they prepare for class anymore, knowing those two will dominate."   
  
Professor Giffle nodded. "Yes. Well, perhaps it's only a phase. I think I'll give them a week to sort out their, er, feelings, and do a lot of practical work."   
  
Her friend smiled, a bit wickedly. "Perhaps some partner activities are in order?" The two professors laughed.   
  
  
  
"Prongs, my friend," Sirius said solemnly. "I regret to inform you that you have officially become a dork."   
  
James was poring over his Charms textbook, memorizing the night's reading. "Mmhmm." Sirious picked it up and hit him playfully on the head with it. "I mean it. Peter and Remus are waiting for us in the hag's tunnel and here you are doing homework! We have to plan this Thursday, full moon, remember?"   
  
"What? Oh...God, sorry Sir, I completely forgot." James looked contrite, so Sirius relented a bit.   
  
"Not to worry. After all, Charms _is_ so incredibly fascinating."   
  
Standing up and walking towards the portrait hole, James could feel himself starting to blush. "Oh, shut up. It's just that Charms is Lil - is my worst subject."   
  
"And Lily's best." Sirius completed the unfinished thought.   
  
"That has nothing to do with it!" James protested. Sirius raised a very expressive eyebrow. "Well, maybe it has a little to do with it."   
  
"There's no point in hiding it," Sirius told him, approaching the one - eyed witch. He tapped her with his wand, muttering "Dissendium." As the passageway revealed itself and the two boys crawled in, he added, "Everyone can see that you're obsessed with doing better than her in school."   
  
"James!" came Remus Lupin's voice from the tunnel. "Still talking about Lily Evans?"   
  
"Shut up, all of you," James fumed. "It is not my fault that every time I do something, she has to do it better!"   
  
Peter Pettigrew laughed. "James - Lily hasn't even -" He convulsed into a fit of giggles, unable to finish.   
  
"What he's trying to say," Sirius said, raising his eyebrows. "Is that Lily has barely noticed your little competition. That's how she acts _all_ the time!"   
  
James decided it was time to change the subject. "Can we get down to business here? We have to make plans to sneak out of the castle Thursday night." The four soon became immersed their scheming.   
  
Suddenly, James groaned. "Ugh, I forgot! What if Lily is up doing her homework again?" Then he glared at the other boys, as they rolled about the hidden tunnel in laughter.   
  
"Prongs," Remus finally choked out. "You have a one track mind, my friend."   
  
James stood and stomped out of the tunnel.   
  
**More from me: Just a reminder to visit pawprint, Mask of Dawn, and Scarlett*Eyes, because they are all amazing and talented people. As will you be if you review. **


	5. A letter from Petunia

**Author's Note: Sorry this is so short, but I have a lot of homework. (Not that that's ever stopped me before, but I wasn't feeling particularly inspired.) Thanks to Lethal and WriterChicMs for your reviews, you guys are the best!   
  
Disclaimer: It's not mine. If that comes as a surprise to you, then maybe you should look up at the title of this site.**   
  
  
  
Remus was staring suspiciously at the jam Sirius had just spread on his toast. "Sirius," he began cautiously, "I have never in my life seen jam that color, and I don't find it particularly appetizing, so if you don't mind I'll just have some cereal..."   
  
Sirius smiled innocently. "What's wrong with the color? I think it looks delicious."   
  
"It's rainbow striped."   
  
"So?"   
  
Across the table, Lily was unfolding a letter that her owl, Henry VIII, had just dropped off.   
  
_    Dear Lily,   
    I know I haven't written since school started, but I've been very busy with homework and all. You are soo lucky not to have to take any normal subjects, Chemistry and Algebra II are impossible! Luckily, my history teacher is very nice and I think that class will be a lot of fun. Lily grimaced. Only Petunia could like history, she thought affectionately. And my phys ed teacher is sooooo cute! Maybe he'll take his shirt off sometime...   
    Oh yeah, know how I told Kendall that you were so smart you got a scholarship to a boarding school in Kent? Well she's going to the seaside with us over break, so if she asks you any school related questions, you'd better be prepared to answer. Sorry to spring this on you, hon, but I'm sure you'll be able to talk your way out of it. I did warn her you were a little strange. Hehe.   
    Owls really are the grossest animals, by the way. Stupid Henry VIII just left a little present on my english essay. Grrr.   
    Love, your sis,     Petunia 
_   
  


Lily groaned aloud. "I can't believe she's doing this to me!"   
  
James, sitting across from her, looked up from his toast. "What?"   
  
"My darling sister is making me pretend to be some genius muggle this Christmas so her friend doesn't find out I'm a witch," Lily complained, rolling her eyes.   
  
Sirius, momentarily abandoning the cursed jam, snickered. "Sounds like fun."   
  
"Sirius, it's not funny! What if she asks me about school? Muggle schools are completely different!"   
  
"You know," Sirius remarked thoughtfully. "I've heard that."   
  
Lily just stuck her tongue out at him. Her friends couldn't help laughing.   
  
"Very mature," James muttered.   
  
"What do we have next?" Clarissa asked them, sorting hopelessly through her messy bag for a schedule.   
  
Peter consulted his. "Potions with Ravenclaw." He let out a small squeak. "My Potions parchment!" He jumped up from the table, causing several scones to fall to the floor, and dashed out of the Great Hall.   
  
Eve Adensen couldn't help giggling. "Think he 'accidently used irreversible invisible ink' again?" Her friends all laughed as well. Peter's homework excuses were notorious. Lily didn't join the laughter though, and it was only partially due to worry about Kendall Grant. She felt sorry for Peter, who seemed to walk perpetually in his friends' shadow, and was too often the subject of ridicule, however harmless. 


	6. Humble Serum and Animagus plans

**Author's Note: quitesirius (who by the way is really amazing so go visit her) reminded me that when I switched our heroes from fifth to fourth year, I forgot to change the age in Chap. 1. Just to clarify, they are 14 and in fourth year. That was awfully brief for me, maybe I should babble on some more? No? All right, here ya go.   
  
Disclaimer: Elizabeth Graydon, Professor Norkins, and Humble Serum belong to me, so if you steal them I will leave you scorching flames. Not that you wanted to, but just had to put that out there. J.K. Rowling and whoever she's sold them too owns all the important stuff.**   
  
  
  
Lily bent over the steaming cauldron in front of her. "Uh, Lizzy?"   
  
Elizabeth Graydon, a Ravenclaw and Lily's cauldron partner, looked up from her mortar and pestle. "Yeah?"   
  
"I couldn't help but notice that everyone else's potion is purple."   
  
"So?"   
  
"Ours is orange."   
  
"Oh."   
  
James, stirring a potion across from the two girls, couldn't help but feel smug. There seemed to be no question who the day's honors would go to in this class.   
  
Lily caught his smirk, but she only laughed. "Wipe that look off your face, Potter. There's still fifteen minutes left, which is plenty of time to transform this marmalade into a Humble Serum strong enough for even you."   
  
Sirius, who was James' partner, grinned. "Not at the rate you girls are going. Can I give you a hint?" Deftly snatching the powder Lily had been sprinkling in, he replaced it with his own. "Try ground _eye_ of salamander, not ear."   
  
Liz giggled sheepishly. "Sorry, Lil. Guess you'll want to be fetching the ingredients next time?"   
  
Lily's green eyes twinkled. "Well, it's not every day you meet an illiterate Ravenclaw." She ducked her friend's marble pestle just in time.   
  
Across from them, James glared at Sirius. "It took me half the class to grind those eyes!"   
  
"Calm down, James," Sirius replied evenly. "I'm just trying make sure you two play fair. After all, Lily always gives you hints in Charms."   
  
James sullenly chopped his tadpole tails into quarter centimeters. Lily seemed to have caught on to James' new competitiveness, but it only seemed to delight her. And it was true that in Charms, her best subject, she would help James along to keep things even. It was extremely irritating.   
  
By the time Professor Norkins returned to his class for testing, Lily and Elizabeth's potion was perfectly purple. After inspecting them all carefully for any dangerous mistakes, he instructed each student to fill a vial with the potion and feed it to the person directly across from them. Professor Norkins' philosophy was that if students experienced the effects of various potions firsthand, they would be more likely to take the class seriously.   
  
Grinning saucily, Lily approached James with her vial. Jokingly holding his chin (James' jaw dropped automatically at her touch), she pretended to force-feed him the potion. "Drink up, Potter."   
  
All the Gryffindors slept soundly through double History of Magic. Even James couldn't muster up enough pride to challenge Lily to a factoid duel.   
  
By dinner, the fourth years were back to normal. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat at the far end of the table, talking in earnest whispers.   
  
"This is going to be the most amazing thing we've ever done!" Peter said excitedly. "I guess we should all be glad that James has the hots for Lily."   
  
James sputtered incomprehensively.   
  
"Why's that?" Remus raised an eyebrow.   
  
"Otherwise, he'd never have been paying attention in Care of Magical Creatures and we wouldn't even have known about Llanmaes."   
  
James calmed down a bit. "You guys do owe me one."   
  
Several seats down, another conversation was going on, also concerning Care of Magical Creatures class.   
  
"Yes!" Lily was elatedly examining her schedule. "We've got Double CMC tomorrow!"   
  
The other fourth years sighed blissfully. "Two whole hours of staring at Professor Hugley," Clarissa said dreamily. Then a thought occurred to her. "Wait, we don't have it with the Hufflepuffs, do we?"   
  
"Nope, just Gryffindors."   
  
"Oh good." Clarissa was relieved. "That stupid Melinda Burkins always tries to flirt with Hugley, it's so sickening."   
  
Her friends couldn't help laughing. "Clarissa Donnelly, you are every bit as bad! You just can't stand the competition of having more than one flirt in the class," Kasey joked.   
  
"Besides," Lily added slyly. "after all that talk last night about you and Black being 'made for each other', I'm not sure you should be thinking about another man like that!"   
  
Clarissa snorted and tossed her head. "Lily, sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with admiring a beautiful man, even if you _have_ found your soulmate."   
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but Clariss, sometimes it helps if your soulmate has also found you."   
  
"Oh, he will," the pretty blonde answered evenly, taking a bite of chicken. "Just give him time."   
  
Lily felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned around. "What do you want, Pettigrew?"   
  
Peter smiled sheepishly and held out a glass of orange liquid. "Sirius sends you this pumpkin juice. He said he noticed you had run out."   
  
Lily snorted in disbelief. "Black, you bludgered moron!" she called down to him. "Just how stupid do you think I am?"   
  
"It's clean, Lil, I swear!" Sirius shouted back. His face was a mask of innocence, but the bright mischief in his eyes betrayed him. While Lily was thus engaged, James quickly stepped up from where he'd been standing in the shadows and emptied a small packet into her own glass. Smiling triumphantly, he and Peter returned to their seats.   
  
Remus looked apprehensively at his watch. "Right. I'd better go. And guys? Please be careful." His friends nodded solemnly. 


	7. In the Forbidden Forest

**Author's Note: Here's the action chapter, I personally am pretty proud of it, mostly cause I tend to overfluff stories, so tell me what you think.   
  
Everyone should visit magik**princess, Lily Evans, Milkyweed, Petrusca DYIT, berina, and especially Trinity Day who left a ton of amazingly helpful reviews, because they are the greatest.   
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill.**   
  
  
  
James, Sirius, and Peter crept through the castle and out the door to the grounds, under cover of the invisibility cloak. They had made it out of the Common Room with no problems; Lily had fallen asleep in her room rather uncharacteristicly at promptly 8:00. When they were just outside whomping distance of a very formidable willow tree which had the tendency to wallop students who came too close, the group paused. Peter took out his wand and, concentrating fiercely, became a small rat. The rat scurried towards the tree, climbed up its trunk and pressed a large knot with his nose. The Whomping Willow instantly froze its violent flailing, and the two boys and the rat hurried through the opening that had appeared.   
  
Inside the willow tunnel, James became a regal stag, and Sirius a large black Newfoundland. The three animals hurried through the passageway, Peter perched on James' antlers. At the end of the tunnel, a snarling wolf awaited them in a room completely demolished. The remains of a table and chairs lay scattered about the room. The curtains and rug had been slashed to shreds. Prongs took a deep breath and the unlikely trio moved forward.   
  
The wolf faced them with cautious hostility. Sirius, as Padfoot, took a tentative step forward. Something that was almost recognition filled Remus' yellow eyes as he looked into the beseeching ones of Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail, and he followed his three friends from the Shrieking Shack without violence.   
  
Galloping swiftly at the lead, with Wormtail holding on for dear life, Prongs prayed it would be one of Moony's good days. If he would just follow them to the Forbidden Forest, until they found those centaurs, Prongs knew it would all work out. He took a quick look over his shoulder. The werewolf was right on his tail, with Padfoot bringing up the rear, making sure Remus stayed with them.   
  
For the first time since he'd proposed the plan, James began to have doubts. Sitting in Care of Magical Creatures, trying to ignore the perpetual giggling that always occurred when the Gryffindor girls were around Professor Hugley, it had seemed so brilliant, so fool - proof. I must have been as deluded as the girls, James thought, wanting to kick himself.   
  
"The November full moon, which will be occurring this Thursday night," Hugley had told the class, "is when all the centaurs in Britain convene for Llanmaes, their sacred bonding ritual. This ceremony joins the hearts of all the centaurs to each other and the stars, and it is this custom that has preserved their race, though of vulnerable physiognomy, since ancient times. Llanmaes is a sight unseen by any human eyes, which is unfortunate because it is said to be a beautiful and fascinating ritual. It is also said that all the woodland animals of the Forbidden Forest - where, as you may have guessed, Llanmaes is traditionally held - are drawn to the immense power that the ritual creates. I see a question, yes Mindy?"   
  
"Why haven't any humans ever seen Llanmaes?"   
  
"That's a good question and it's because the centaurs enchant their circle to be invisible to human eyes. It does not, however affect the woodland creatures."   
  
James had been intrigued by these words. He raised his hand. "Professor, does the spell ward off human _minds_?"   
  
Professor Hugley had looked intently at him. "No, James, the spell is based on a being's _form_. So I suppose it's possible humans could find a way to observe the ceremony, if they took on animal form. This, however, has yet to be done."   
  
Now his teacher's words echoed in his head. _Yet to be done._ Buck up, Prongs, he told himself, grinning a stag grin at the unintentional pun. Haven't you always wanted to be the first to do something? Even if you can't tell anyone.   
  
As he was thus reassuring himself, a figure cloaked in black stepped from the shadows and murmured, "Muteo Redditus!" A flash of blinding blue light lit up the forest for a moment, and when James could think again, a very human Peter was lying on top of him.   
  
"Peter? What are you - what just happened?"   
  
Peter let out a squeak of terror. James turned around and saw Sirius lying on the ground dazed, a ferocious wolf moving towards him.   
  
James didn't stop to think. "PADFOOT, WORMTAIL, RUN!" Grabbing Peter's hand, he dashed to Sirius' side and yanked his friend from the ground, the wolf in hot pursuit.   
  
The three boys ran blindly. James knew they couldn't outrun a werewolf for long, he had to think of a plan, and quickly -   
  
Then it came to him. Pointing his wand towards the deepest part of the Forbidden Forest, he shouted, "Homo Odoro!" Sirius and Peter, catching on, also drew their wands and did the same, shooting the spell in every direction but their own.   
  
It worked. Remus, confused by the assault of human scent, paused, and James took the oppurtunity to snatch the Invisibily Cloak from his pocket and toss it over the himself and his two panting friends. Sirius, inspired by James' ploy, whispered "Non Olfacto." The three held their breath as the wolf, looking utterly bewildered, spun around and ran into the Forest in search of meat. 


	8. It's not your fault, Remus

Author's Note: First order of business: I have decided to start using the html format because Word hates me. However, this may mean updates will be less frequent because it takes FOREVER to do all the tags and redo all quotations, apostrophes, dashes, and whatever those triple dots are called. It looks MUCH better though.   
Next, I would like to share a story about flamers. Okay, I heard that groan. You could always just skip ahead to the story, but then you would miss this truly heart-warming tale. Deciding that I would learn to use html if it killed me, I posted this chapter under the name "this is a test" while trying out all the different html tags to see how they worked. Within minutes of posting, I had **two** reviews. TWO. I don't even have two reviews on all my stories for chrissakes, and on a miscellaneous list called "this is a test" i got two reviews. *shakes head in wonderment* Anyway, one of these was my first ever flame!!! Well that was pretty exciting, even if it wasn't on an actual story, so I rushed off to visit my groundbreaking flamer, Remus Lupin and Co. RL&Co, if you're reading this, hi!!! (I think she thinks I'm crazy. She's right.) Anyway, my flamer is really cool! You should all go visit her, she's kinda crazy herself. Right. So. The moral of this story is: flamers are people too. And more often than not, they have crazy bad fic spoofs. At least in my experience. So don't block your flamers, befriend them!   
Right. No more apple pie a la mode for me.   


Disclaimer: I own Professor Giffle, Sirius' gravy and Remus' middle name, so back off.   
  


Remus was late for Transfiguration the next morning. "I have a note from the Headmaster, Professor," he explained, sliding into an empty seat rather breathlessly. Professor McGonagall took the note without looking at it, knowing very well what it said.   


Lily stared at the pale boy next to her. "Lupin," she hissed, "you look _awful_."   


"I know," he replied faintly. "Spent the night in the hospital wing, had some of Sirius' gravy at dinner."   


Lily shook her head. "When will you learn not to eat _anything_ he's touched, or been in the presence of? You can't trust him for a minute."   


For some reason, her friend looked near tears at this. He muttered something that sounded like "_Sirius_ isn't the one you can't trust." Lily wondered if he was referring to James or Peter - all the boys looked tense, maybe there'd been a fight?   


Professor McGonagall was handing out stuffed animals to half the class. Sirius stared at his teddy bear and called delightedly, "Professor, you found him! Oh Snuffles, I've looked everywhere for you!" He then proceeded to cuddle the living daylights out of the bear, much to the class' amusement.   


Professor McGonagall wisely chose to ignore this outburst. "This is a partner project. You have two weeks to turn these dolls into faithful pets, scoring will be based on the detail and realisticness of your pets' personalities." She began to call out names. "Adensen, help out Black and please make sure he does some of the work this time, Cinders and Donnelly, you'll be working on the pony, Frigmann and Pettigrew on the puppy, Gerhardt and Lupin on the kitten, Potter and Evans will be working with the kangaroo..." she went on to pair up the rest of the Hufflepuffs.   


Lily turned around to face her partner. "A kangaroo? Is she serious, Potter?"   


James nodded, trying to seem perfectly composed, which wasn't easy as he couldn't decide whether he was thrilled or furious to be working with Lily. Lately, everything about Lily Evans was confusing; her smile made his brain all muddled. And I hate that, James thought, so I hate Lily Evans.   


He held up the stuffed blue marsupial. "I guess we should set a time to work on it," he said gloomily.   


Lily sent him a sharp look. "Well don't get too excited, Potter," she drawled sarcastically. "I'm sure you'll still have plenty of time for gallivanting about under your Invisibility Cloak and setting off dungbombs in the Slytherin Common Room."   


"How about 5:30 in the Library tomorrow?" James suggested, after consulting his schedule.   


"Fine. I'll see you then."   


"Fine."   
  


After lunch, the Gryffindors had a free hour. James found Sirius and Peter, and the three cornered Remus in the Common Room.   


"We need to talk," James told him seriously.   


His stomach weighed down with dread, Remus followed his friends to the one-eyed witch's tunnel, their favorite meeting place. No one else knew about it, that they knew of, at least, and dormitory walls were thin. Remus knew what they were going to say, and he knew they were right. But that didn't make hearing it any easier. The four boys entered the tunnel, and Remus sat down, resignedly. Here it comes, he thought.   


"Remus Silvius Lupin," James began. "We have something to say to you, and you'd better listen."   


"_Last night was not your fault_," All three boys said firmly in unison.   


"You've been avoiding us all day, and looking guilty -" Peter began.   


"- and generally acting like a bloody Judas," Sirius cut in.   


"And we're having none of it," James finished. "Becoming Animagi was our idea, being with you every month was our idea, and we accept full responsibility for any risk involved."   


Remus slowly let the realization wash over him. They weren't mad, they didn't blame him, and they still wanted to be his friend! He was speechless.   


"Look, Moony," Sirius told him. "You're insulting us with all this 'I'm not worthy' crap. What kind of friends do you think we are? It's not your fault you're stuck with this, and we're not about to blame you for it. Now wipe that dazed look off your face and help us think of something mortifying to do to Snape."   


James shook his head though. "No, not right now. We still need to talk about last night. What was all that blue light, and how come we transformed?"   


The others frowned. "Was it a spell, do you think?" Peter ventured. "Or maybe a certain part of the Forest just does that." Realizing he wasn't being very clear, he added, "You know, doesn't allow Animagi, transforms them back."   


"It's possible," Sirius allowed. "That Forest is strange enough."   


"And it couldn't have been a spell," James added. "Because then someone would have had to knowÉ" His voice trailed off.   


"Would have had to know about us," Remus finished flatly.   


Peter shook his head. "That's not possible...is it?" 


	9. A rather amusing incident involving our ...

Author's Note: I had fun with this chapter. Hmm, I don't think I have anything to say, except a big thanks to Sonatina, Slinkimalinki, Deeply Disturbed, and Trinity Day for their reviews! Oh, and don't worry Sonatina, there will definitely be plenty of L/J romance, I'm a complete sucker for it...if you don't feel like waiting, check out my story The One.   
  
Disclaimer: The blue kangaroo is mine, all mine! Muahahahaha!   
  
  
"Oof!" said a third year Hufflepuff as something blue and furry hit him in the face, then continued speeding down the hall.   
  
"Hey!" a sixth year Ravenclaw called indignantly, as the same mysterious object knocked off her glasses.   
  
Bang! Clang! The blue UFO (not that unidentified flying objects were particularly unusual at Hogwarts) rammed into two suits of armor before rounding a corner...   
  
And crashing into three house elves delivering a platter of plum pudding to the Dining Hall. The pudding flew into the air, the elves fell to the ground, and they and Professor McGonagall, who had the misfortune of being right behind them, were covered in the stuff.   
  
Spluttering, the Professor reached out and grabbed the flying object as it was attempting to flee the scene of the crime. "If that's you, Peeves," she growled menacingly. Then she recognized the blue stuffed kangaroo that was struggling in her hands. I should have known, she thought furiously.   
  
Meanwhile, Lily and James were waiting impatiently in the library. "If you had just remembered the stupid stuffed animal..." Lily began.   
  
James was frowning. "I think it's stuck," he told her, feeling resistance in his wand hand.   
  
Lily sighed. "Here, I'll help." Holding up her own wand, she said, "Accio kangaroo!"   
  
The force of the double charm, performed by two of her most powerful students, was too much for the 5'4" 110 pound Professor McGonagall to resist. The stuffed kangaroo took off down the hall, dragging the Professor behind it. A group of first years gaped at the sight of their Transfiguration teacher, covered in plum pudding, flying down the corridor while holding onto a blue blur for dear life.   
  
Lily's brow wrinkled. "This is so weird, I've never felt this kind of resistance before."   
  
"Yeah," James agreed. "Who knew that doll was so heavy?"   
  
Their wondering ceased when the kangaroo and it's passenger flew through the doorway into the Library. Pandemonium ensued. Madam Pince, the librarian, began shrieking that there was pudding all over her carpet. The students occupying the library erupted into hysterical laughter, none more so than Lily and James. Professor McGonagall picked herself up, and they could see that, even under the pudding, she was scarlet-faced and giving them the McGonagall Death Glare.   
  
Bloody hell, James thought, desperately trying to curb his laughter. We're in for it now.   
  
  
After the pudding had been cleaned up (by James and Lily, of course), the Professor profusely apologized to, and the hysterics smothered, the cause of the mess escaped with a week of detentions and 50 points from Gryffindor. Giggling, the troublemakers hurried to the Dining Hall. They were greeted by a huge cheer from the student body; rumors traveled faster than Summoned stuffed animals at Hogwarts. Red-faced, Lily ran to sit beside Kasey, but James basked in the attention. When he sat down, the entire Gryffindor table was giggling uncontrollably, and Helen Derrickson, who'd been one of the first years fortunate enough to catch the flying McGonagall in action, was repeating the story for the seventeenth time.   
  
"Did anyone get a photo?" a seventh year was asking loudly.   
  
Sirius could hardly stay in his seat for delight. "James Potter," he told his friend, beaming, "I have never been prouder of anyone in my life!"   
  
James could only grin.   
  
Lily, however, was not as pleased. After recovering from the initial pleasure of seeing a teacher covered head to toe in plum pudding, worry was now starting to set in.   
  
"I've never had a detention before!" she told her friends anxiously. "And I've never lost so many points, I can't believe it."   
  
Eve comforted her by saying, "Don't worry about it Lil, McGonagall can't stay mad at you too long. She knows you're not that kind of student, I'm sure she blames Potter for the whole thing."   
  
James overheard this. "Oh sure, blame James, everything's always his fault," he joked.   
  
"Well it was," Lily couldn't resist pointing out. "If you hadn't forgotten the kangaroo, and had the idiotic idea of using a Summoning Charm to get it, none of this would have happened."   
  
"I don't recall hearing you complain at the time!" James retorted.   
  
Kasey, noting the glares the two were shooting at each other, tried to keep the peace. "She didn't mean it, James, she's just upset because it's her first detention."   
  
"Don't worry, Lils," Sirius assured her. "James can show you the ropes, it's his ninety-seventh."   
  
"Ninety-eighth," James corrected proudly.   
  
"Who knows?" Remus couldn't resist adding. "Maybe you'll like it so much, you'll make it a habit, like these two here."   
  
"Excuse me?" Sirius demanded. "I believe you have eighty-two, yourself, Mr. Lupin."   
  
"Eighty-three."   
  
"Eighty-four!" Peter chimed in.   
  
"I've got nineteen," Clarissa contributed shyly.   
  
Sirius gave her an approving look. "Not bad, for a girl." 


	10. James has a bad day

Author's Note: I'm afraid I don't have a single plug to make. Nope, not even one person decided to be really cool and review my last chapter. *melodramatic sigh*   
Okay, I'm over it. I looked all over for the Banishing Charm but couldn't find it, so I had to make one up. If you know the real one, please let me know. Anyway, this chapter isn't particularly exciting, but it is necessary. Lemme know what you think.   
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill.   
  
_Dear Petunia,   
You are determined to make a complete fool out of me, aren't you? You'd better watch your back, sister dear, I just bought a pair of teacups that turn into frog spawn when you take a sip and they match our china perfectly...   
Just kidding. Seriously though, what if this Kendall girl asks me about classes or something? Looks like you will have to give me a crash course in geometry and whatever else you tortured muggles have to learn.   
I was in Hogsmeade (wizard village, remember?) last week -_   
  
Lily was interrupted by the end of History of Magic. Yawning, she put away the unfinished letter and packed up her books. Next was -   
  
"Care of Magical Creatures!" Clarissa squealed excitedly.   
  
Kasey, Eve, and Lily couldn't help it. They let out little squeals as well.   
  
"Ooh! Professor Hugley is soooo hot!"   
  
"Eee! Did you see the way he looked at me?"   
  
The girls whirled on the two suspicious sounding speakers. James and Sirius were clutching their hearts and fluttering their eyelashes, while Remus and Peter looked on, laughing.   
  
"Very funny," Eve told them haughtily. She and her friends swept by the pranksters and hurried outside, heads held high.   
  
"Jealous," Kasey muttered angrily.   
  
"Daft," Sirius complained under his breath.   
  
"I'll see you all later!" Remus called, as he turned at the next corridor. He was one of the few Gryffindors taking Muggle Studies rather than CMC; Remus had said he'd always be worrying that next on the curriculum would be the intensive study of a certain lycanthropic breed of humans.   
  
James stopped fooling around when they reached the designated spot for class. Lately, he was always on his guard around Hugley. Ever since Llanmaes, in fact. He knew he was being ridiculous, it was his own recklessness that had almost gotten them killed, not Hugley's lesson. But lately he'd been noticing things...   
  
"James!" Peter hissed, breaking into his reverie. "Lily just answered two questions in a row. Are you gonna take that?"   
  
James snapped into action.   
  
"And who can tell me the average growth rate of the manticore's horn? James?"   
  
"Three and a half inches per year until it reaches maturity at the age of six," James responded promptly. The next quarter hour passed in what was beginning to be regarded as routine; Lily and James answering all the questions. James couldn't help noticing, however, how much more often Lily was called on than he, even when he had his own hand up first.   
  
"Right then, thank you Gryffindors, that'll be all for today. We'll be starting on practical work with manticores tomorrow. Oh, and 15 points to Mr. Potter and 30 to the lovely Miss Lily for superb class participation. You are dismissed." He smiled pleasantly at them.   
  
James' mouth hung open. Why, that slimy, perverted little git! What was he thinking, coming on to a student like that? Worse, Lily was blushing and beaming and overall appearing to be on Cloud Nine. Was he the only one who saw how repulsive this was?   
  
Apparently so. The boys all looked amused, or else had been to busy rejoicing over a shortened class to notice, while most of the girls were sending Lily jealous Death Glares. Thoroughly disgusted, James turned on his heel and stalked away.   
  
  
  
Later, at lunch, the whole Hall couldn't help but notice the large brown box that five school owls were struggling to keep airborne, and Lily was astonished when they dropped it on top of _her_ turkey sandwich. Owls rarely came to the Hall after breakfast, and she'd never received any large packages before. Curious, she removed the duct tape with a handy charm and opened the box.   
  
"What is it, Lil?" Kasey asked her.   
  
Her friend looked incredulous. "Books!"   
  
Sirius, overhearing this exchange, was thoroughly disappointed. Large, mysterious packages were things he liked to send to Slytherins and kid sisters. His packages were the sort that nasty reptiles popped out of, and he had been hoping to find Lily's of that particular variety.   
  
Meanwhile, Lily was examining the contents of her box with growing disbelief. "Would you look at this? _Functions, Statistics, and Trigonometry?_" [Ok, I wasn't going to do any more mid-story author's notes, but I just want you all to know that that book is EVIL. Ruined my life, it did. Along with the rest of the UCSMP series. That said, we can continue.]   
  
"What the heck is that?" Eve wondered, removing a similiarly hefty book entitled _Chemistry: Connections to Our Changing World._   
  
"Muggle maths," Lily responded absently. "Oh look, a letter!" She unfolded the note and read aloud. "'Dear Lily, I'm sending you your very own personal pretend-youÕre-not-a-witch survival kit. The textbooks are the subjects you're taking at school, which, by the way, is called St. Brutus' Center for the Exceptionally Gifted, it's in Kent. I've also sent you tapes of the seasons of all the popular TV shows and a few movies, as well as tapes of the popular bands right now. Read the books, watch the movies, and listen to the tapes!'" Lily paused. "That last part, mind you, was in all caps."   
  
Her friends were staring. To no one's surprise, it was Sirius who recovered his voice first. "Lily, your sister is completely nutters!" Everyone else nodded fervently.   
  
"She must really be worried," Lily mused. "I'm really starting to wonder what this Kendall girl is like."   
  
"You sure you don't want to come over my house for the holidays?" Eve offered, sounding concerned.   
  
Lily sighed. "No, no, I'll survive, somehow. Besides, my parents would be crushed if I didn't spend Christmas with them." She stood up. "I'd better bring this stuff up to the room. _Wingardium Leviosa_!" Prodding the box with her wand, she headed towards the Gryffindor Tower.   
  
  
  
James watched sullenly as Lily performed a Banishing Charm for the class. Her cheeks were flushed with the effort and her eyes sparkled as she intently raised her wand, pointed it at a pillow, and called clearly, "_Expulsio_!" The pillow in question obediently zoomed across the room and landed neatly on Peter Pettigrew's desk, just in time for Peter's head to fall forward onto it.   
  
Awakened by the class' snickering combined with the sheer force of Professor Giffle's glare, Peter cracked open one sleepy eye. "Thanks, Lily," he yawned, and resumed his nap.   
  
"Mr. Pettigrew," Professor Giffle said icily. "My apologies for interrupting your little snooze, but I will have to ask you to continue it elsewhere. Fifteen points from Gryffindor, and yes, this will be affecting your grade."   
  
"Professor, it wasn't my fault, last night Sirius' owl came down with the flu and I was up all night nursing it back to-"   
  
"That will be enough, Mr. Pettigrew."   
  
After Peter had shuffled out of the room amid a chorus of suspicious coughing, Professor Giffle turned back to her star student. "Miss Evans, that was one of the most superb pieces of Charm work I have seen in my thirty years of teaching. Most of you will not find it nearly so effortless to complete the Banishing Charm on your first try. 25 points for Gryffindor."   
  
Lily couldn't help beaming delightedly. Flushing, she hurried self -consciously back to her seat.   
  
"The fourth and second rows will be working on Banishing Charms with the person directly in front of them." Noticing one particular pairing, Professor Giffle added, "Except Potter and Evans. I hear you two are something of a volatile combination at Charms work," she said, causing Lily to blush again at the allusion to the McGonagall -plum pudding incident. "Mr. Black, you will work with Miss Evans, and Mr. Potter will be paired with Miss Cinders."   
  
Kasey soon found herself wishing she had picked a different seat. They had been instructed to send the pillows at each other, and James was uttering "_Expulsio_!" so aggresively that the feather pillows were knocking the wind out of her. After a particularly violent flick of his wand sent her flying into the wall, Professor Giffle was forced to intercede.   
  
"Mr. Potter! This is not a test of your strength, you are supposed to be exercising control!" Turning to Kasey, she asked kindly, "Miss Cinders, would you like to visit the Hospital Wing?" When Kasey shook her head weakly, Professor Giffle sighed and said, "Class dismissed. I hope your performance will not be so dangerous tomorrow, Potter."   
  
All in all, James was not in an especially chipper mood. He stalked out of the Charms classroom without waiting for his friends, and when he heard his name called he was tempted to further practice the Banishing Charm. Glaring, he wheeled around.   
  
It was Lily. "We've got nothing after dinner, want to work on Matilda?"   
  
"Matilda?"   
  
Lily blushed slightly. "Oh, that's what I named the kangaroo. Meet you in the Library at eight?" Without waiting for a reply, she continued, "Great, see you then," and went to catch up with her friends. 


	11. The argument

**Author's Note: I think this chapter pretty much clears up the concept of the whole stuffed animal Transfiguration project, but let me know if you're confused. So here we have the big fight scene. (Actually there's a bigger one coming up, but that's a surprise.) Hopefully you saw this coming.   
I love all my wonderful reviewers! courtneybeene, Hyper Princess, heraclas, Alex, Caitlin M (I am very honored), and Amberdulen (I know, I know. It's very unlike me, too, I love fluff. You should read my other L/J's, I think I was suffering from withdrawal in the romance department. :) Anyway, I will surely be making up for lost time when I do get around to the romantic fluff.)   
  
Disclaimer: What's with all this ownership obsession, anyway? I'm moving to a kibbutz or something, you can't sue me there!**   
  
  
  
James was waiting at a corner table when Lily rushed into the Library. She sat down, said hello, and began to pull her Transfiguration text and some parchment from her bag.   
  
"What kind of a name is Matilda, anyway?" he said by way of greeting.   
  
Lily's cheeks went a bit red again. "Oh, well, since he's Australian and all, I just thought, it's like that song, you know..."   
  
The bewildered scowl on her partner's face clearly showed that indeed, he did not know.   
  
"Never mind, it's a Muggle thing, I guess. You don't mind, do you?"   
  
"No." Rather tersely.   
  
Lily peered curiously into his eyes. "What's up with you?"   
  
"Nothing!" James practically shouted. "Let's just get this over with, all right?"   
  
Lily raised her eyebrows but wisely dropped the subject. "Right. So the assignment is to transfigure the stuffed animal into a living, breathing one. It has to be fully animated and posess a distinct personality, and it has to be tame and friendly. Smart thinking, that, I can just picture Sirius turning his into a man-eating grizzly." James was silent. "Anyway, I was thinking we put some Helpful Spells on it, so it'll do favors and fetch things for us and so on."   
  
"Figures," James replied acidly. "You would want another brainwashed slave to follow you around with puppy dog eyes."   
  
Lily stared, green eyes hurt and bewildered, until she realized what James had been looking at; the three Ravenclaw boys two tables over who were gazing, entranced, at Lily with lovesick expressions in their glazed-over eyes.   
  
"Oh, honestly, James, that is a bit rich coming from the guy who has his own official Fan Club in Hufflepuff." She snorted, and began to imitate Angelica Gibbonson, "Five sickles for membership, and you too will receive monthly issues of the We Love James Potter newsletter for updates on Hogwarts' hunkiest Quidditch player."   
  
James glared murderously at her. "That's right, Lily, didn't I see Henry VIII drop the December edition at your plate this morning?"   
  
That was it. Lily snapped. She couldn't understand why he was acting like this, and she was usually very mild-mannered and forgiving, but every now and then the infamous redhead temper would kick in. The last time it had happened, Severus Snape had woken up two days later in the Hospital Wing, without the faintest idea what had happened to him and why his entire face was covered in boils.   
  
Now, she sent him a Death Glare of her own and answered hotly, "No, that was just the newest James Potter Is An Egotistical Prick Magazine! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write an article for next week's!" Haughtily collecting her books, she stood and stomped out of the Library.   
  
James watched her go, slumping back in his chair with a sigh. Now that she was gone, he was no longer seeing red. I suppose I deserved that, he admitted to himself wearily. I'd better go apologize.   
  
On his way out, he noticed the Ravenclaw boys staring at him with a mixture of shock and anger. "Oh, sod off," he told them, disgustedly, as he passed.   
  
  
  
Sirius and Peter were playing chess when they heard a loud slam and an indignant cry from the Fat Lady outside. Both looked up just in time to see Lily Evans storm right through the chess board they had set up on the floor.   
  
"Hey!" both boys called indignantly, but the fuming redhead didn't even look back as she stomped up the stairs to her dormitory.   
  
The boys stared ruefully at their game, and were in the midst of reconstructing it as best they could ("Sirius! I killed that knight!" "Well, your castle was at least five spaces back") when James entered, wearing a thoughtful expression and not paying the slightest attention to his surroundings, and tripped over the board and went sprawling.   
  
Sirius threw his arms in the air. "I give up! Next time, Peter, we're putting up wards around our games to protect them from psycho housemates. Don't know how anyone is supposed to finish one little game around here, you'd think -"   
  
"Oh, shut it, Sirius," Peter cut him off amiably. He was less annoyed by the interruption because he'd been losing. He turned to his other friend, who was dusting himself off with a scowl. "All right there, James?"   
  
"Sorry, guys," James apologized. "Have you seen Lily?"   
  
"She came in a minute ago, all sunshine and roses-" But James had already headed up the girls' staircase. "Would it kill anyone to let me finish a sentence?" Sirius complained, frustrated.   
  
Meanwhile, James' apology wasn't going quite like he'd planned.   
  
"Oh, so you're sorry now, are you? And I suppose you think that makes it all better?"   
  
"Well, I-"   
  
"I don't want to hear it, James Potter. I don't know where you think you get off, talking to me like that, but I'm not going to just fall at your feet because you've finally noticed what an asshole you are." Lily's anger grew with each word. "And you're not allowed in the girls' dorms, not that rules mean anything to you, anyway. You'd better watch your back next year, because I'll be a prefect and I will not hesitate to give you points."   
  
By the end of this speech, James was every bit as furious as Lily. He couldn't believe he'd tried to apologize to this...this...he was too angry to come up with a good enough insult. "Look, _Lily_," he pronounced her name like a curse, "I'm leaving. But you'd better fix this moment in your memory, because I can assure you it'll be the last time any guy tries to get into the girls' dorm for _you_."   
  
For a minute, words failed her. Finally, she shouted, "GET _OUT_, POTTER, UNLESS YOU ARE REALLY WILLING TO GIVE UP A FEW LIMBS!"   
  
Peter and Sirius, along with the rest of Gryffindor Tower, heard her shout. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Lover's quarrel, it would appear?"   
  
Luckily for Sirius, James arrived a second too late to hear his best friend's remark. His face bright red with anger, he grabbed his friends' arms and dragged them up to their dorm.   
  
Sirius turned around to grin jauntily at the Common Room in time to see Lily barking at a group of terrified second years. "If someone doesn't tell me where Kasey and Eve are _now_, I'm going to blind you all with a Conjunctivitus Curse!" He chuckled, wondering what James had done to transform easygoing, fun-loving Lily into a Fury from Hades. 


	12. Matthew/Matilda

**Author's Note: Okay. This chapter is short (and I took my time getting it up - sorry about that, but I went up to Vermont with my friend for President's Weekend) and I personally think it kinda sucks. Sorry. The next part, however, is going to involve Petunia's oh-so-considerate Pretend-You're-Not-A-Witch Survival Kit. Which means I have to do some research, since I know basically nothing about British pop culture in the 70's and I don't want to be one of those people who says, "Screw it, they'll just watch Dawson's Creek." So if you are British and could name a few TV shows and bands you know were popular from around 1975-79, or if you did similiar research for your own story and want to share the wealth, I would really, really appreciate it. And if you want the next chapter sooner rather than later, it's for your own good. :)   
  
Disclaimer: What do I need Harry Potter for, I'm already filthy rich! *takes another sip of her non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri and leans back against the raft floating in the middle of the Olympic Size swimming pool in her backyard* Except not.**   
  
  
  
Lily and James studiously avoided each other for the next week. After a few days, hoping they had cooled down, their friends tried to patch things up, but to no avail. Both claimed that any friendship that had previously existed between them was now disentegrated, null and void, over and done with.   
  
"James? Jaames?" Remus waved his hand in front of James' face. "What are you staring at?"   
  
"Look!" James answered, disgustedly. He pointed to the small blue figure that was hopping across the Commons Room. "She's turned our Transfiguration project into her slave. It's sickening."   
  
Normally Remus would have commented on how lifelike the kangaroo's hopping motions were, but one look at his friend's face informed him just how dangerous that could be. James stood up and grabbed the little stuffed animal before it could reach the girls' staircase with a jar of ink for Lily.   
  
"You're my project, too," he told the struggling animal sternly. "And it's time we spent some quality time together." Remus laughed at that, but James' smile was rather twisted. "First things first: you are a boy. And your name is Matthew, not Matilda, got it?" The kangaroo looked petrified. "Second, I think Matthew's hop needs a little something, don't you, Remus? _Summus Salio_!" James' smile widened. "Now, let's see about that ink..."   
  
  
  
Lily frowned impatiently. "Tildy!" she called. "Where are you?" She'd sent the kangaroo for ink from the Commons Room twenty minutes ago. She turned around to go look for her little pet, just in time to see Matthew/Matilda bounce wildly into the dormitory. The kangaroo's hops had become five feet high and highly erratic as a result of James' charm, and the ink, which the prankster had removed the top from, was spilling all over the room - and all over Lily.   
  
"EEEK!" she shrieked as it seeped through her robes. Lily scrambled to her bed to get her wand, and hurriedly shouted, "_Stupefy_!" The kangaroo froze and fell to the ground, motionless, but the damage had already been done. The entire room, most notably Lily's bed and she herself, was covered in black ink.   
  
Examining the malfunctioning marsupial, Lily found a small note attached to its collar. _Lily- Thought I'd contribute to the project. What do you think of the improvements I've made on Matthew? -J_   
  
Furious, Lily marched down the stairs, Stunned kangaroo in tow. She refused to look at James and his friends as she passed, and was ignoring the laughter at her ink-splattered appearance. Head held high, she walked briskly to the Transfiguration classroom. Professor McGonagall was sitting at her desk, grading a large pile of fourth year papers. She looked up in shock as her star pupil stormed into the room, red hair and pale complexion besmirched with ink.   
  
"Professor, I'm very sorry, but I cannot continue to work with James Potter. He sees this project only as an oppurtunity to torment me. He refuses to share the workload, doesn't take anything seriously, and we can't even be in the same room together anymore without hexing each other." Lily took a deep breath.   
  
Professor McGonagall tried not to smile as she listened to Lily's tirade. It was a skill she had found necessary to master very early in her teaching career. Back then it had been Adam Bell and his gang of Hufflepuffs, now it was James Potter and his cronies. Whoever the clowns, it wouldn't do for a teacher to be laughing at the salamander they'd set on fire, and she was positive Lily would not be thrilled to find she wasn't being taken completely seriously.   
  
"I'm very sorry that you feel that way, Miss Evans," the Professor said at last. "But I am afraid a partner switch is simply not possible. We are too far into the project to disrupt the other groups, and I have reason to believe you two have already begun working as it is?" Lily blushed, thinking of her teacher's "reason." "You and Mr. Potter will simply have to learn to get along."   
  
Disappointed but not particularly surprised, Lily trudged down the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower. At least I tried, she comforted herself, and began to plan her revenge.   
  
  
  
**Oh yes, and if your name happens to be Dracorulz, Hyper Princess, Unicorn77, Miki, kiki, Devonny Stratton, quitesirius, or Danny, you get homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. No, don't worry, my mom made them, they're safe. **


	13. Petunia's Pretend-You're-Not-A-Witch Sur...

**Author's Note: I know, I know, I'm being horrible. Haven't updated in forever and this is short and stupid. Again. To tell the truth, this story is starting to piss me off with it's sucktacularity. But I'll get over it and start updating more regularly, and more substantially pretty soon, I hope. Although the start of the track season may leave me too exhausted to type over 3 wpm.   
  
Anyway, "The Six Million Dollar Man" is American. As is "Bewitched." However, plenty of American shows are aired in Britain, so chances are these two were, too. I do have the time period right, at least.   
  
A List of Really Amazing People: Nasha Potter, Kizzy, Hyper Princess, Rini, Streaky_Sammy, Lily Evans, courtneybeene, quitesirius, Unrepentant Reader, Amberdulen, G.D. Jade, sneef22, Ice Princess, Kimmy Larisa, surfboard chick, and Devonny Stratton. I love hearing from you all!   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters and setting, which belong to J.K. Rowling, nor do I own "The Six Million Dollar Man" or "Bewitched," though I don't know who does. Something tells me, however, that whoever it is does not have lawyers lurking around FanFiction.net, waiting to find people to sue. Oh yes, and those heavy math books Lily chucks at James' head? They belong to the cruel heartless bastards over at the University of Chicago.**   
  
  
  
DA-DA-DUN DA-DA-DUN, DA-DA-DUN-DUN-DUN! A trumpet blare sounded in the Gryffindor fourth year girls' dormitory at 9:00 Saturday morning, causing something of a ruckus.   
  
Eve sat up in her bed with a start and cried, "I didn't do it!"   
  
Kasey fell out her bed. Lying tangled in a sea of covers on the floor, she opened one eye and mumbled, "Are the elephants gone?"   
  
There was no sound from Clarissa's four-poster.   
  
Lily giggled at Eve and Kasey, earning two ferocious glares.   
  
"What," Eve demanded, "was that?"   
  
"I magnified my Alarmus charm so it would wake us all up," Lily replied evenly.   
  
There were muffled threats coming from the knot of blankets on the floor beside Kasey's bed, and Eve shouted, "Why would you want to do something like as bloody idiotic as that?"   
  
Ignoring her friends, Lily walked over to Clarissa's bed and pulled aside the curtains. The blonde was fast asleep.   
  
"How is that possible?" Eve cried, thoroughly exasperated. "Are you sure she's not dead?"   
  
"She is breathing," Lily observed. She bent down and shouted directly into her friend's ear, "CLARISSA! SIRIUS BLACK JUST PROPOSED TO YOU!"   
  
Clarissa jolted awake. "Huh - Si - what?"   
  
Her roommates giggled. "Get up," Lily told her sternly. "We have a busy day ahead of us."   
  
"Lily," Eve pointed out, "It's a bleeding Saturday. The only thing we have to do is sleep in," here she shot another glare at her redheaded friend, "and go to meals, and be lazy."   
  
There were general expressions of assent coming from the mass of blankets that was Kasey, and Clarissa nodded sleepily. "I've got other plans," Lily informed them briskly. "It's time to delve into Petunia's Pretend-You're-Not-A-Witch Survival Kit. That's right, girls," she paused dramatically, "today, we will see what it is to be a Muggle in 1973."   
  
"I already know what it is," Clarissa complained. "I used to be one, too, remember?"   
  
"All the better," Lily answered cheerfully. "You'll have plenty of experience. Now let's get some breakfast, we'll need the nourishment later." Eve and Clarissa helped her to extricate Kasey (who had fallen back asleep) from her tangled blanket and the foursome trooped, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, down to the Great Hall.   
  
They took seats across from James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, Lily being sure to sit as far from James as possible. "What are you four up to today?" Remus asked them cheerfully. He, like Lily, and unlike the rest of their friends, was a morning person.   
  
"Lily's forcing us to -" Eve began, but Lily cut her off.   
  
"We're learning how to be Muggles!" she told them.   
  
"Petunia's package?" Remus inquired knowingly, and she nodded.   
  
"Hey!" Sirius spoke up. "Did she send you that American television show, The 'Six Million Dollar Man'?"   
  
"Probably," Lily replied. "It's fairly popular, isn't it?"   
  
Sirius was very excited. "That's my favorite show! I watched it all hols!"   
  
"In that case, you are most formally invited to the Hogwart's premier screening," Lily told him, grinning.   
  
"Brilliant! Let's all go!"   
  
  
  
An hour later the eight fourteen year olds (Lily had scowled when James entered with his friends, but said nothing) reconvened in what Lily proudly introduced to them as the Audio-Visual Room. The Gryffindors, especially the wizard-born, which was everyone but Lily, Clarissa, and Sirius, stared openly at enormous television screen and array of stereo equipment.   
  
"What on earth's a room like this doing at Hogwarts?" James finally asked incredulously.   
  
Lily shrugged, grinning. "I asked Dumbledore if there was a VCR anywhere, and he showed me this place. Said he liked watching 'Bewitched' reruns."   
  
Sirius snorted. "Now I've heard it all."   
  
Lily was bending over the enormous box. She tossed a few videos at Sirius. "Black, pop these in for me, will you?" He saluted. "All right, now, this isn't all fun and games. We've got to go through the schoolbooks as well. Everyone gets a text and takes notes."   
  
There was a lot of very loud groaning.   
  
"The alternative, of course," Lily added menacingly, "being the extremely nasty hex Aunt Arabella taught me over the summer." Lily's aunt, the only other person of magical blood in Lily's family, was a prominent auror. Everyone quickly shut up. "That's better. Pettigrew and Donnelly, take European History. Lupin, you and Kasey share Physics and Chemistry. Black, you and Adensen take Austen, Keats, and Shelley. I've got Shakespeare, and James has maths."   
  
James winced at the formal way she said his name. Lily always called her male friends by their last names. Too bad he'd never be one of them again. He stopped dwelling on this fact, however, when he caught sight of the books she had thrown at him.   
  
"Are you kidding me?" He gasped. "These things must be 400 pages long, each!" He began flipping through the pages, his eyes getting wider and wider. "And I don't understand a word of it!"   
  
Lily smiled sweetly. "Happy reading, all of you. Now let's start the video." 


	14. The Restricted Section

**Author's Note: I really do hope that none of you were home alone when you saw that this story had been updated, because I have a feeling you all dropped in a dead faint. So, yeah, I'm sorry I've been so long, but I was having a really bad case of Writer's Block on this story. I'm still not quite sure exactly where it's going, but hopefully I won't be this long between updates again. I am a slow writer, though, and I'm not going to rush it because the result would not be pretty.   
  
This has really become the Official Short Chapter Fic. Sorry.   
  
The following people are my best friends: Quinn, Heracles, Avaloniathewise, Nasha Potter (Don't be mad about Lily's comments, she'll come around), Kimmy Larisa, Hyper Princess, Gilaine, Felicity Aulia Evans, LupinsLover, quitesirius, AllieDumbldore, Springrain (That one room is the exception, at least in my rather warped Hogwarts), nats56 (wow, thanks for all those reviews!!), Alannah (hey, give him back, he has Dungbombs to plant...but you didn't hear it from me), Ice Princess988, and Danie. Thanks guys!!   
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, Shakespeare, FST *shudder*, or Invisibility Cloaks. **   
  
  
  
The seventh year Prefect, Frank Longbottom, looked up suspiciously as the fourth years staggered through the portrait hole. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter usually saw Saturdays as an oppurtunity to wreak havoc on the school - but this Saturday had been eerily quiet. No one had even seen the troublemakers since breakfast. The Professors were close to panicking.   
  
They had to be up to no good.   
  
"Where've you lot been all day?" Frank demanded. Frank was on very close terms with the fourth years - he gave them detentions about once a week.   
  
Sirius waved cheekily at him. "Hallo, Frank! Missed us, did you?"   
  
Frank glared accusingly at the younger boy.   
  
"Why are you looking at us like that?" Peter asked him, all wide-eyed innocence - sincerely, for once. "We haven't done anything."   
  
"We've been doing Lily's homework," Remus explained. The entire group giggled at the puzzled expression that came over Frank's face at this statement - Lily was the last person who would want (or need) people to do her homework for her - and then sat down on their favorite couch.   
  
It was a little tight.   
  
"Sirius, get OFF me," Lily told him dangerously. Grinning widely, he jumped up from her lap and moved onto Eve's.   
  
"Ugh!" Eve cried, throwing him off with a great shove. "You can stand. It's not like you need a rest from working all day."   
  
Sirius did his best to look hurt. "Hey, I was watching T.V. very diligently."   
  
Eve snorted. "Right, leaving me to shoulder the burden of English Literature myself."   
  
The other pairs were also discussing the day's education. Kasey and Remus were commiserating over the Periodic Table and Clarissa and Peter were having a spirited (and surprisingly intellectual) conversation on the transition from absolute to constitutional monarchy. James' eyes were glazed over and he was muttering nonsense about numbers and variables, earning some very funny looks from the second years playing chess nearby. Lily had brought her book up with her, but after a few moments she shut it with a resounding snap.   
  
"This is ridiculous!" she cried angrily. "Shakespeare is an idiot. Or at least his characters are."   
  
Everyone looked up.   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"How come?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"...equals the square root of b squared plus or minus negative four...no that's not it..."   
  
Lily ignored James. "Take Romeo and Juliet. They're younger than we are! They've known each other for about five minutes, but they decide to get married even though it's really dangerous, than they die for each other after two conversations!"   
  
"But Lily," Clarissa argued. "It's the greatest love story of all time!"   
  
"Well it shouldn't be!" Lily protested hotly. "It's sheer insanity. You try reading it."   
  
"...so if a squared plus b squared equals c squared then sine a squared should equal cosine b squared plus...no, that can't be it..."   
  
"Shut UP, James!" Lily shouted. She turned to Clarissa. "Look, all I'm saying is, no one dies for love in real life. It just doesn't happen."   
  
Her friend just shrugged. "You never know."   
  
  
  
"Done!" Remus announced triumphantly, signing the parchment he had just completed for Potions with a flourish. "How much more have you got, James?"   
  
James was staring at Functions, Statistics, and Polynomials in a mixture of horror and disbelief. He started at Remus' words. "I'm sorry, what?"   
  
Remus looked over at the assortment of books and parchments in front of his friend on the library table they were sharing. "I was asking how far you were on your Potions essay, but you've already finished it."   
  
"Oh, that," James answered dismissively. "Yeah, I just made some stuff up, I think. I've been working on Lily's maths for the past hour."   
  
Remus raised an eyebrow. "You know, James, that essay is a big part of our grade this term. And Lily's work, that only counts for, well...Lily."   
  
James shifted uncomfortably. "I know. But I guess at this point I have to prove to myself that I can do this. I mean, it's just Muggle stuff, right?"   
  
Remus gave him a long look, then sighed and began collecting his things. "I have to go up and meet Peter, I promised I'd help him with DADA, and then I'm going to bed. The Library closes in an hour, remember. Don't stay down too long, all right?"   
  
James nodded absently; he had returned to his book. Already immersed in the world of probability and polynomials, he didn't even notice his friend roll his eyes and walk away.   
  
Two hours later, he was so busy trying to factor a particularly complex polynomial that he almost didn't hear the swishing noise. In fact, he probably would never have heard it if the bookshelf next to him hadn't suddenly shuddered with a muffled oath.   
  
But it did, and James realized there was someone else in the Library, they were wearing an Invisibility Cloak, and (with a surprised glance at the clock) there after curfew.   
  
He was absolutely certain about the Invisibility Cloak. He'd had enough experiences with those to recognize the signs instantly. But it couldn't be his friends this time, because the Cloak was in his bag. Curious, James slipped his own on and moved stealthily in the direction of the muttering.   
  
They were in the Restricted Section. Crouched behind a shelf, James watched as book after book seemed to vanish into thin air. Just as his knees were starting to ache, he heard the swishing sound pass him and fade away.   
  
Daring to breathe again, James stood and hurried to where the books had disappeared. Sure enough there was three or four book-wide gap in the shelf. He looked up to see what division of the Restricted Section they were from.   
  
Scratched in Madam Pince's precise handwriting on a piece of parchment taped to the shelf was, "DARK CREATURES: BEHAVIOR & BREEDING" 


	15. The holidays begin

**Author's Note: Ten million years later, I've written another 700 words. It's pathetic. Really. I don't know why you people put up with me, but you do, and I love you for it! Anyway, I blame school, apparently the whole skip-homework-to-write-fanfiction thing really does have an effect on your grades, so I was working my butt off playing catchup this week. And now you have another short pointless chapter. Feel free to yell at me in your review, I know I deserve it.   
  
The following people have full flaming rights: Sierra Sitruc, Princess Hermione, Quinn, Kimmy Larisa, Hyper Princess, SeraphAngel (sorry about the heart attack, hope I haven't caused another! As for liking math...well, there's just no accounting for taste :)), Ginny, Rini (can't resist putting an R&J reference in all my L/J's, it's becoming my trademark), Erin Faith (Ack, you're absolutely right! Thanks for pointing that right, I meant to say five), Snoopy511, Nasha Potter (polynomials and quadratics give me nervous breakdowns all the time, let me tell you - and as for reading fanfiction instead of your English paper, trust me, I've been there), Alannah (who left my 100th review! Ahh! Congratulations, Pads!), Calime, Snowlily (Wow, your review was great, it made me laugh so hard - and I'm *very* flattered), Anonarien, and Revti/Prof. Moriarty (Ugh, I know, I realized that after I had written it and couldn't bear to go back and fix it because a. I'm extremely lazy and b. I really like Silvius and couldn't think of a good "J" name...I'll get around to it eventually, though.) Thanks for the reviews, you guys are the greatest!   
  
Quinn told me in her last review that she had to re-read the whole fic, so I realized I'd better start putting summaries in each chapter, it's the least I can do. So Lily and James are currently in a huge fight over who will be made prefect next year and several incidents involving their Transfiguration project (a blue stuffed kangaroo they have been assigned to animate.) Meanwhile, James has been noticing some strange occurences around the castle, and Lily is struggling with a crash course on Muggle lifestyle courtesy of Petunia. Hopefully it's all coming back now.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or the world they live in. I'm working on it, though.   
  
By the way, if you think this Author's Note is ridiculously long because I was trying to make the chapter look longer, you're right.**   
  
Special Agent Matilda was on a highly classified mission to the boys' dorms. The blue kangaroo hopped stealthily through the Common Room and up the staircase, keeping to the shadows, finally quietly pushing her way into the fourth years' room. The agent's plastic eyes scanned the beds and located her target. She bounded noiselessly onto the conveniently empty bed and began to rig an intricate system of magically timed water balloons. When each had been arranged to hit the bed's occupant in a different place, Matilda hopped back to the other side of Gryffindor Tower.   
  
Mission accomplished.   
  
  
  
"My, James, you look cheerful this morning," Eve informed him at breakfast. He was stirring his oatmeal so violently that it was spilling over the edges.   
  
Scowling ferociously, James snarled, "Maybe it's because I was woken up after _five hours of sleep_ by half the Hogwarts' Lake!"   
  
His three dormmates, who had obviously been holding back laughter, began snickering while the girls giggled helplessly. Lily was careful to maintain a perfectly angelic attitude.   
  
"I just _hope_," James continued, cutting up a banana rather viciously, "that Lily had nothing to do with this, because that would mean," he paused to plop a banana slice into the oatmeal, splashing even more onto the table, "that I stayed up all night" - plop - "finishing her Muggle work" - plop - "for nothing."   
  
There was a very painful silence. Lily stared at James, who was now concentrating very hard on adding blueberries to his cereal and refusing to look up.   
  
Finally, Peter ventured, "Does anyone know what we have first today?"   
  
"Herbology," Clarissa replied quickly, glad to dispell the tension.   
  
A debate on whether Professor Petrie would finally allow them to move on from Morpheus Fungi ensued, but no one missed that neither Lily nor James participated. Both were now fully absorbed in their breakfast, and both were thinking of the other with considerable confusion.   
  
At least, Lily concluded, they would be going on holiday the next morning. A week without James Potter and his increasingly strange behavior was looking better and better.   
  
  
  
Aboard the Hogwarts Express the next day, Lily was presented with reports of varying thoroughness and accuracy on Muggle culture and academics. Eve had taken careful notes on the writing styles of prominent English poets, while Sirius had written her a letter on why Darcy was a stuffed shirt who had turned his back on his childhood friend Wickham, proving that he'd not made it halfway through _Pride and Prejudice_. Peter and Clarissa spent nearly a half hour recounting the life and times of the English monarchs with great spirit. Remus did his best to explain ionic and covalent bonding, but Lily found it so boring that in the end Kasey advised her, in the unlikely event that Chemistry came up in conversation, to quickly spout off something from the Transfiguration textbook. "It'll _sound_ like you're talking about Muggle science, if you're confusing enough," she assured Lily.   
  
Just as the train was pulling into King's Cross Station, James approached her with a stony expression. "Here you are," he said tonelessly, dropping a packet of papers into Lily's lap. "I'll see you after holiday, I suppose." He did not sound particularly happy about it.   
  
Lily stared at the detailed chapter explanations in front of her. It must have taken him hours...but no, she reminded herself. James wouldn't spend that much time on something that didn't matter to him; he'd probably scribbled something down in five minutes.   
  
Still, she caught his arm before he could follow the others off the train and said softly, "Thank you, James. I know I haven't deserved...all this." She indicated the thickness of the packet.   
  
He stared back at her for a moment, dark eyes unreadable, before shrugging uncomfortably. "It wasn't anything," he muttered, grabbing his trunk and hurrying to catch up with Sirius. Lily watched him go, sighed, and followed suit. Stepping through the partition, she eagerly scanned the station for her family.   
  
"Lily!" Her mother waved from a bench against the opposite wall. "Over here, dear!" Lily smiled and hurried to the small group. Her parents were beaming at her, Petunia was smiling excitedly, and a long-haired girl a few inches taller than Lily was staring at her with sharp eyes, scrutinizing Lily's beat up trunk, faded jeans and rugby shirt with unconcealed interest.   
  
It looked as though Lily was meeting the infamous Kendall Grant at last. 


	16. Lily's Christmas or, the chapter most li...

_Author's Note: Yes, I'm brazen enough to show my face after…oh, about nine months of ignoring this story. To tell you the truth, I considered abandoning it altogether, but I really need closure on this and I'm going to really do my best to get this finished in the next couple of months. Bear in mind, however, that I am ridiculously busy with school and such (blah!)._

_This chapter is dedicated to my reviewers, without whom /i_Rival/i_ would just be another unfinished manuscript floating around cyperspace. I wish I could mention all of you like I've been doing, but (and I am still completely flabbergasted by this) there have been so many in my absence that you'd have to wait another month for this chapter (which, by the way, isn't much; it doesn't even have James) for me to thank you all properly. However, a special mention goes to Snowlily, who is probably the most enthusiastic and persistent of my reviewers and whose reviews I definitely do not deserve but love to death anyways._

_Quick recap: Since you've definitely forgotten, this is the story where James and Lily are competing for the Prefect position next year (they are fourth years), they work on a Transfiguration project together, which happens to be a stuffed blue kangaroo, and James is confounded by an odd occurrence in the Forbidden Forest and a mysterious midnight visitor to the Restricted Section. We last left our heroes at King's Cross Station, where James had just given Lily a comprehensive report on the horrors of Muggle maths despite their recent enmity, and where Lily begins her holiday of posing as a student at St. Brutus' Center For the Exceptionally Gifted for the benefit of Petunia's new friend, Kendall Grant. I am well aware that this story is almost entirely lacking in continuity, so feel free to email me with questions/concerns/insults at thistlemeg@yahoo.com._

_Ten points to anyone who gets the Dylan reference._

_Standard disclaimers apply._

It was Christmas Eve and Lily had shut herself in her room and was composing a list.

_Escape Plans_

_1. Camp out in the treehouse for the rest of the holiday and hope no one notices._

_2. Hitchhike to London and stay at the Leaky Cauldron_

_3. Hitchhike to Majorca and stay at the beach house_

_4. Enchant one of Mum's brooms and fly…somewhere_

_5. Strangle Kendall in her sleep._

Of course, none of these plans were feasible. The treehouse had been built nearly ten years ago and she wasn't sure it would even support her anymore. Her parents would kill her if she attempted to run away, especially by hitchhiking, and she didn't have the money to pay for a room. The beach house was usually rented out for Christmas. Any magic would see her expelled from Hogwarts. And premeditated murder was definitely out of the question.

Although, Lily reflected, if her sister's friend kept it up, perhaps she could plead insanity...

"Lily!" Petunia shouted up the stairs. "We need a third for rummy!"

Of course, Lily knew she could always ask one of her friends to have her over. But she couldn't do that to her parents or her sister. Besides, everyone had spent so much time preparing her for Kendall's visit, it didn't seem right to give up five days into the holiday. So, sighing in resignation, she went to join the game.

"…he _didn't_!" Lily heard Petunia exclaim as she entered the family room and sat down with the two girls.

"Oh yes," Kendall confirmed, eyes wide. "And what's more, I heard he's been seeing Kerry Wilder ever since."

"He _isn't_," Petunia returned, quite scandalized and equally delighted. "Who did you hear this from?"

Lily had become quite used to this conversation since she had met Kendall Grant. Before they could advance to the next stage, in which Kendall would rattle off the long chain of excellent accounts through which she had received her latest item of gossip, Lily cut in, "Deal me in, Pet?"

As Petunia counted out the cards, Kendall turned to Lily and smiled slowly. Lily squirmed.

"Tell me, Lily, do you have a boyfriend at your school?" When Lily answered in the negative, she pressed on, "Is there anyone you have your eye on, then? Any good-looking boys you could set us up with? Or, better, rich ones? What are the boys like in Scotland, anyway?" She seemed doubtful that anything good could come from Scotland, but willing to give it a try in the name of boy-hunting.

"I don't know that there are any your type," Lily settled on at last. 

Kendall was disappointed, but not yet ready to give up. "Scholarship students, you mean? I suppose a school called St. Brutus' Center isn't very prestigious. Still, there must be some good families."

Lily thought of James Potter, who could trace his family back countless generations of pureblood wizards. "Really not your type," she said again and picked up the jack of hearts.

"Well," Kendall replied, her tone dismissive, "then I don't know why you put up with that. You could always ask your parents to send you to our school, couldn't you?" Before Lily could think of a tactful response, she continued, "_I_ have my eye set on this one fellow - name's Duncan Derring - who'll be worth _millions _when he's eighteen, or so they say. Something about a rich old great-aunt. I keep telling Petunia that if she wears the right clothes and says the right things she can get her hands on his cousin, Clarence, so that's our project this year." She hesitated. "I suppose we could work on you, too, if you like." She did not seem particularly optimistic about Lily's cultivation. "My family's got connections and I'm sure we could dig _someone_ up."

"Rummy," Lily answered, laying down her cards. "I'd love to stay for another round, but Mum wanted me to help with dinner." And she fled to the kitchen.

On Christmas morning, Lily's parents woke her up early and presented her with a few wizarding presents; a few spellbooks, a new cage for Henry VIII, and, the crowning glory, her first broomstick. Ecstatic, she stowed the gifts under her bed and dressed for Christmas breakfast, confident that nothing could ruin her mood.

She was wrong. Kendall picked ostentatiously at her blueberry pancakes and announced that _her _family never ate any pastries but whole wheat because of the cholesterol and did the Evanses have any low-fat cereal? She eyed Lily and Petunia's gifts with evident distaste and shook her head after inspecting the labels on their new clothes. _Her_ gifts, which the Grants had evidently sent in time for the Evans to put under their tree, she displayed loudly. 

"Oh, how did they know I wanted this sweater? And two more by the same designer – _really_ they shouldn't have, it's far too expensive. You can have this one, Petunia," she added, carelessly flinging the garment into Petunia's arms, "I really have more than I know what to do with." She moved onto the next gift. "Ooh, _diamond _earrings!"

Lily shared a despairing glance with her mother and father, and tried to catch Petunia's eye, but her sister seemed only grateful. "Thanks, Kendall!" she exclaimed. "It's lovely. And those earrings – oh, and a matching necklace! Just wait until Duncan sees you in those."

Lily excused herself and ran upstairs to blow off some steam to a sympathetic Henry VIII, but she couldn't escape long. Christmas dinner was torturous, as Kendall compared each dish to its superior counterpart in the Grant family dinner. Occasionally she would add, "Of course, this is really very _good_, Mrs. Evans," with sickening condescension. Lily gritted her teeth and imagined she was on her new Cloudsurfer, flying too high to hear another word in that supercilious tone.

But this tactic was not enough when, as Mrs. Evans began serving the Christmas pudding, Kendall leaned over and whispered loudly to Petunia, "Your family's very…_nice_, Petunia, but just between us, I wouldn't bring Clarence home for dinner until you're quite sure of him."

Mrs. Evans turned red, Mr. Evans clenched his fists, and Lily felt her anger build up dangerously – and the next thing anyone knew, the pudding had taken off and was hovering over Kendall's perfectly blow-dried head.

"P-Petunia…" their guest began, but it was too late – the bowl turned over in the air and fell directly onto her head.


End file.
